Catch up on some related episodes:

How to figure out what's a priority (when everything feels like a priority)

Today’s talking points:

How is your to-do list looking right now? Is everything on there a priority? Let me show you how you can prioritise effectively when everything feels just as important.

Check out my latest resources

Spoiler alert: if you view everything as important, then nothing is actually important.

Let that sink in.

If you view everything as important then you are actually deciding that nothing is important.

So it goes without saying that if you are viewing everything as a priority then you are actually deciding that nothing is a priority.

So what do you do when you feel like everything IS a priority and you just can’t figure out what is REALLY important?

Tune into this episode to learn how to shift your mindset, identify what is really important and start living a life that is more in alignment with your priorities.

We will chat through:

A couple of definitions that are super important for our understanding of this topic
My favourite analogy that I love to use when I teach about prioritising
A refresher of the 5 keys of being the boss of your life and which ones you need to do before you define your priorities
The 4 steps I use to help me define my priorities for the season I’m in
A very simple exercise to help you prioritise when you have a lot of big projects going on

the definition of prioritising

Firstly, let me give you some background on this topic, and how it came about. This has stemmed from numerous conversations I've had, particularly from recent market research I conducted last year. One question I asked in that research was, "If we were sitting down for coffee, and you could ask me one question, what would it be?" One question stood out, which was "How do you define what your priorities are? I feel like everything is a priority."

So, how do we actually define our priorities?

The actual definition of priority is the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important. Now, let's delve deeper into the word "important." Stick with me; I know there are a lot of definitions here. But these are words we hear all the time. I'm always saying, "prioritise your tasks, focus on what's important.”, so, I want to ensure we're fully aware of the weightiness of these words.

The definition of priority is the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important. The definition of important is of great significance or value, likely to have a profound effect on success, survival, or well-being.

You've probably heard me say this before, but if you view everything as important, then you're actually viewing nothing as important. Just let that sink in. If you view everything as important, then you're deciding that nothing is important. When we give everything equal value in our lives, the truly important stuff ends up getting an exhausted, burnt-out, overwhelmed version of us because we're not prioritising effectively.

Something people tend to forget is that priorities aren't set-and-forget. What's a priority this year might not be a priority next year. Priorities ebb and flow as our lives change.

My favourite analogy that I love to use when I teach about prioritising

One of my favourite analogies when teaching about priorities is one I've shared with my clients. It's so effective that I want to share it here again because it serves as a mini wake-up call every time I hear it, prompting me to check myself. Picture everything in your life as a ball that you're juggling. Now, envision the actual act of juggling, like a clown at a circus kind of juggling. Imagine juggling all the balls in your life: the deadline for a huge project in two months – that's a ball; planning your best friend's baby shower – that's a ball; volunteering once a month – that's a ball; going on a weekly date with your partner – that's a ball; spending one-on-one time with your kids – that's a ball. We're all juggling a ton of balls.

The realisation is that some balls are glass, and others are rubber. Glass balls shatter and break when they're dropped. Glass balls are urgent, if you drop them, they're going to shatter and break. On the other hand, rubber balls bounce when you drop them so, that's not that big of a deal. A rubber ball might feel important to you, but it's not actually urgent when it comes down to it.

Now, I'm pretty sure you can see where I'm going with this. The question is, which balls represent your true priorities – the glass balls? It's your job as the boss of your life to determine which balls are glass and which are rubber. And here's the thing: a ball that may have been glass in one season of your life could be a rubber ball in the current season. And that's a huge revelation that rocked my world for the better.

For instance, before becoming a mum, especially a mum of two, launching something new in my business every quarter was a glass ball. It was something I planned my life around to make happen. It wasn't a question of if I could launch something new every quarter; it was a question of what was launching that quarter. But now, launching something every quarter in my business is a rubber ball. It's just not as important in this season. Yes, I'm revamping my product suite, but for me, it's more about serving my clients – that's a glass ball.

In my current season of having two kids, one of them just over six months old, spending as much time with my children as I can is my glass ball, hands down. I don't even have to think twice about it. Creating family routines, and traditions, and continuing to learn how to be a mom is my priority in this season. Obviously, I'm still showing up for work and doing things with excellence, but it's at a slower pace because it's a rubber ball. I've put so many work opportunities and projects on hold because I know that if I say yes to too much at work right now, I would drop my family ball – and that's not okay with me.

So, think about this analogy as you continue working on your priorities. What are your glass balls in this season? What would break for you to drop? And then, what are your rubber balls in this season? What isn't that big of a deal to drop right now?

Now, I'll be honest with you – it would be very easy for me to label every money-making opportunity as a glass ball because I'm the main financial provider for my family this season. My work and my business help pay our bills, put a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies. Being an entrepreneur means creating your own work – I don't have someone in a hierarchy above me giving me a paycheck every month; it's on me to create income. So, obviously, it's hard to say no to opportunities that generate income. One thing I'd love to do is have a mastermind again, but I know that right now, I don't have the capacity for that. I had to make decisions based on what's important to me right now – spending as much time as possible with my kids while they're young while continuing to grow my business and make money. I'm not saying that those things aren't important, but what we need to figure out is what are the most important things to you in this season when everything can feel important.

the 5 keys to being the boss of your life

So, let's take a moment to step back and revisit the purpose of the five steps to being the boss of your life, and I'll refresh your memory on those steps. I created this framework to teach high-achieving women, like you and me, how to transition from running on fumes to living intentionally in every season. It's entirely possible to cease the constant hustle and pursue your goals while prioritising your well-being and relationships. I promise, because I've been there, and I didn't used to do it.

So, here are the five steps:

Mindset
Vision
Priorities
Routines and Schedule
Implement your Daily Boss Five

I've mentioned this before, but I'll reiterate - these steps are meant to be followed in order. It simply doesn't work properly if you're leapfrogging from step two to step five, you know what I mean? You have to start at the beginning and progress from step one to step five.

Now, before we dive into step number three, which is defining your priorities - what we're discussing here - we need to ensure we've covered steps one and two. It's going to be really challenging to properly define your priorities if your mindset is negative and your vision is unclear.

So, let's talk about key number one: mindset. Our mindset shapes how we think and speak about our lives. If you're constantly saying things like, "My life is so crazy. I have no time for myself," or, "It must be so nice for so-and-so to work from home," or, "I'm so unorganised. Things will always feel chaotic for me," then that's likely how your life will continue to be.

I want you to start shifting your thoughts and words to reflect the life you desire. Instead of saying, "My life is so crazy right now," try saying, "My life is so full right now, and I'm grateful for the ability to choose how I show up in each area of my life." It's like that whole "choose your hard" concept, letting life happen to you is hard, but so is doing the mindset work required to take ownership of your life. Personally, I'd choose the latter any day.

I'm a big advocate for people taking ownership of their lives. We can't control everything, but we can control certain aspects like how we speak, what we consume, who we spend time with, and our habits. Reclaiming control over these aspects can lead to a significant shift in your life. So, that's key number one: mindset.

Now, onto key number two: vision. Once you've worked on your mindset, it's time to clarify your vision for this season of your life. This can feel daunting, but it doesn't have to be. You don't need to have a clear vision for the next three to five years, focus on the next three months. We work in 90-day chunks over here.

To do this, I want you to sit down and brain dump everything you have going on for the next three months - life changes, work projects, personal events, goals you're working towards - so you can see it all laid out in front of you. This will help you gain clarity on what truly matters in this season of your life.

A very simple exercise to help you prioritise

Now, I want you to engage in an exercise that I call your life vision map. This exercise is part of being the boss of both your business and your life. I believe in this exercise so much that it's an integral part of the Embodied Boss Collective, my signature group coaching program for business owners aiming to build a predictable, profitable, and peaceful business.

Your life vision map revolves around different areas of your life. Here's how it works: for each life category, jot down 1, 2, 3 things that are important to you in that category for this season. The categories I've included in this exercise are relationships and family, health and wellness, mental health and self-care, work and education, finances and giving, and finally, home and living spaces. Once you've completed this exercise for each category, you'll have a clear vision for this season of your life.

Now, I know you love a concrete example, so here’s my vision life map. I do this exercise every single month. I pick one intention from each category to focus on throughout the month. Here’s what that looks like:

Relationships and family: Spending all of my afternoons with Jacob and Evelyn – they're my priority.
Health and wellness: Sticking to my daily calorie intake and macro goals as I embark on a weight loss journey to shed my pregnancy weight.
Mental health and self-care: Committing to journaling every evening and reading at least 10 pages of a book.
Work and education: Pouring my best energy into my clients and providing them with a powerful experience across my various offerings.
Finances and giving: Sticking to our monthly budget and keeping track of it to maintain financial stability.
Home and living spaces: Embarking on the journey of revamping our living room by exploring paint samples and design ideas.

Once you've completed your life vision map and clarified your vision, you can move on to key number three: defining your priorities.

In the Boss 360 Club, I teach a four-step process for defining your priorities, which I'll share with you here. Although, in the club, we dive into much greater detail. Here's a top-level overview to give you a taste:

Step one: Determine your non-negotiables. Use the life vision map you just created to identify what is non-negotiable for you in this season. Divide your non-negotiables into daily, weekly, monthly, and other intervals. For example:

Daily: Journaling
Weekly: Quality family time
Monthly: Memory outings as a family

Step two: Design habits and routines that facilitate your non-negotiables. Routines provide a structure that gives you freedom and ensures you can easily fulfil your non-negotiables without expending unnecessary brainpower. For instance, create morning and evening routines that accommodate journaling.

Step three: Identify and address major stressors. Recognise what causes you stress and decide whether to solve, seek support for, or let go of these stressors. For instance, if being late to your desk in the morning stresses you out, find a solution like waking up earlier or adjusting your morning routine.

Step four: Establish boundaries to safeguard your priorities. Use your non-negotiables as a filter to determine when to set boundaries. If something conflicts with your non-negotiables, create a boundary to protect them.

These are the steps I follow and teach my students to follow when defining priorities.

I hope this has helped you and resonated with you wherever you're at in your journey! You got this, boss.